Advance Standard 5 – Emotional Care and Behaviour Guidance

This Care Standard is for you, the domestic helper. While parents are at work, you are responsible for helping children understand their feelings and learn good behaviour. This guide provides simple instructions on how to provide calm, respectful, and supportive care to help raise a happy, confident, and well-behaved child.

Your Most Important Job: Be a Calm and Loving Guide

Your calm and patient actions create a safe emotional space for children. This helps them learn to manage their feelings and build confidence. You are their role model for kindness and respect.

Techniques for Building Trust and Emotional Safety:

• Speak Calmly and Respectfully: Always use a kind and gentle voice, even when a child is misbehaving. Shouting makes children scared, not obedient. Get down to their eye level when you speak to them to show you are connecting with them.
• Recognize and Respond to Feelings: Pay attention to a child’s emotional cues (e.g., a sad face, slumped shoulders, an excited jump). Acknowledge their feelings by saying, “You seem very sad that playtime is over. I understand.” This teaches them that their feelings are important and valid.
• Build Trust and Attachment: Be a reliable and comforting person. When you respond to their needs consistently—whether for a snack, help with a toy, or a hug—you teach them that they can count on you. This strong bond is the foundation for all good behaviour.

Guiding Behaviour: Techniques for Common Challenges

Children are still learning how to behave. Your job is to guide them patiently and teach them a better way.

How to Manage Tantrums and Frustration:

• Stay Calm: A child having a tantrum is overwhelmed by big feelings. Your calm presence is the most important tool. Do not get angry or yell back.
• Ensure Safety: If the child is hitting, kicking, or throwing things, gently move them to a safe, quiet space away from anything that could hurt them or others.
• Acknowledge Their Feelings: Give their feeling a name. Say, “You are very angry right now because you wanted the blue cup. It’s okay to feel angry.”
• Wait Patiently: You cannot reason with a child during a tantrum. Just sit quietly nearby to show you are there for them. Once they are calm, offer a hug and talk simply about what happened.

How to Encourage Good Behaviour:

• Use Positive Reinforcement: Notice when the child does something good and praise them immediately. Be specific: say, “Good job sharing your truck with your sister!” or “Thank you for putting your shoes in the basket.” Praise is more powerful than punishment.
• Encourage Sharing and Cooperative Play: During playtime, guide children to take turns. You can use a timer and say, “Okay, two more minutes, then it is your brother’s turn.” Play games that require teamwork, like building a tower together.
• Manage Sibling Conflicts Respectfully: Do not take sides. Help each child explain their feelings using simple words. Guide them towards a solution: “He is sad because you took his car. Can you give it back, and then we can find another car for you to play with?”

Setting Rules and Being Consistent

Clear and simple rules help children feel secure because they know what to expect.

• Set Clear Boundaries: Have a few important, simple rules and stick to them. For example, “We use gentle hands,” or “We sit at the table to eat.”
• Follow Family Rules: Your employer sets the main rules for the house. You must follow their rules about discipline, screen time, and snacks. Ask the parents for clarity: “What is the rule about jumping on the sofa?” or “What should I do when she refuses to eat her vegetables?”
• Maintain Patience and Consistency: Children will test rules many times. You must respond the same way every time. This consistency is how they learn what is expected.
• Avoid Harsh Discipline: Never hit, spank, shout at, or shame a child. This is harmful and does not teach good behaviour. Instead, use calm and respectful guidance to teach them the right way to act.

Helping Children Through Change and Growth

Change can be stressful for children. Your support helps them feel secure and build confidence.

• Support During Transitions: Big changes, like a new baby arriving, moving house, or starting school, can make a child feel insecure. Give them extra attention and patience during these times. Stick to their daily routines as much as possible to provide comfort and predictability.
• Encourage Confidence and Independence: Let toddlers try to do things for themselves, like putting on their own socks or helping to wipe up a spill. Say, “You can do it! I’m here to help if you need me.” This builds their self-esteem and makes them feel capable.
• Report Concerns to Parents: You are with the child all day, so you may notice things first. If you see a sudden or worrying change in behaviour (like the child becoming very quiet, aggressive, or sad for many days), you must tell the parents. Say, “I have noticed that [Child’s Name] has seemed very tired and sad this week. I wanted to let you know so we are all aware.”